Here's My Fuckin' Day For Ya

It’s been one of those days.

For those of you lucky enough to not be in Central or Northern Vermont, I’ll let you know what the weather has been like in two words: fucking cold. I mean in-my-bones-my-eylashes-are-freezing-oh-god-why-did-I-wear-a-scoop-neck-today kinda cold. While I’m writing this, it’s -15 degrees outside. Crippled Wheelchair Jesus.

Tom and I had to leave the house at 7:45 am today, and we were running late (when aren’t we?)…so of course the car wouldn’t start. I mean, it’s freezing outside, and my car is so tiny…I kinda felt bad for the little import. But never you mind! My feelings of pity had no bearing on the fact that while Tom was inside calling work to tell them that he would be late, I was outside whaling on the Ford’s shell of ice and snow with my ice scraper for all I was worth. Which turned out to be not much, ‘cause after four or five good whacks, the sonofabitch broke.

Despite the fact that Tom thought that we should wait for the magical fairies of Springtime to allow my car to start, I convinced him that a better process would be to jump-start the Hampster Mobile (henceforth referred to as the H.M.) with the Ford. Tom used his manly muscles to free the hood of the Ford from the snow, while I stood by demurely. (Ha!) Miracle of miracles, we were successful in jumping the H.M., and off we were. Tom was only about 15 minutes late, which was not bad, considering.

Since I had to drop Tom off at the co-op, and I hadn’t had time to make coffee, I decided to traipse inside for a cup of some Artisan coffee with raw sugar and soy milk. Yum. I made my way back to the coffee counter, and I put my newly-purchased-pretty-blue- travel-mug under the pumpy coffee thingie and…no coffee. Bastards. I move to the next (not quite so awesome) coffee, and got most of a cup. Okay, so a couple of lost sips wasn’t going to kill me. However, when I moved over to the sugar and the milk and there was no soy milk, I decided that I was not going to give myself a stomachache in order to not inconvenience the dude behind the counter. Here’s the conversation:

“Excuse me, do you have any more soy milk back there?” Says me.

“I’m pretty sure that one’s full.” Says the dude behind the counter, hardly turning around.

“Nope, empty. I just tried.” Says me, with a slightly testy tone of voice. “By the way, you’re out of regular coffee, too.” I feel better when I think about how he has to do some work now.

So the dude sighs, grabs the soy milk container, and bends down to rummage around in the fridge, granting me a nice sight of his generous ass. A few minutes later, he manages to find the soy milk. He pours in a generous dollop, and hands the container back to me. I fix my coffee, and go around to pay the asshole. Despite the fact that I was the first in line, he allows some other guy (who just had to get cash back, the fucker) to go before me. And then when he sees me standing there, waiting to pay, he says, “What?” I should have just grabbed my coffee and left. But no, I’m nice, so I paid my $1.15. The asshole.

Anyway, so I finally get to work, and my day goes pretty smoothly until I get to what I thought was my 12:30 meeting. I notice that there are no familiar cars in the parking lot at the New School, but I figure that’s because I was early. And yeah, I was: a week early. I wrote the wrong date wrong in the book. I drove a freakin’ half hour to find that out. Awesome.

So, currently, it’s 1:21. I wonder what the rest of the day will bring…